Get it for free with all the other benefits when you join the community.
Most of us learned, somewhere along the way, to scan for what's available instead of noticing what we actually want. This workbook is a slow, gentle walk back toward that knowing — through your emotions, your needs, and the small, brave act of asking.
Inside, you'll practice telling a need apart from a want, identifying the non-negotiable needs that determine your wellbeing, and understanding what your unpleasant emotions are actually for. You'll meet three tools you can keep using long after you finish: reframing (finding the need hiding underneath a feeling), the 3-Minute Game (a consent-based way to explore how you like to receive), and a gentle method for stretching your comfort zone without it snapping back.
It's all built around one deceptively simple question — not "can you?" but "do you want to?"
There are tips woven throughout for kinky and polyamorous folks, because that's the community this grew from. But this isn't a poly-or-kink workbook. The heart of it is completely universal: knowing what you want, asking for it, and handling a "no" — yours or someone else's — with care. Monogamous, curious, or somewhere in between, all of it applies to you. The poly and kink notes are just added value.
Move at your own pace. Keep a pen nearby. Nothing here is a test.